" I just want diabetes to be over"

After taking an unintentional month hiatus from blogging, I am back!

It has been pretty much the norm around here this past month. Ups and Downs and a disappointing A1C from our endo visit last month. It only went up .2 due to post surgery high blood sugars, but it is still frustrating considering how hard we work. Our endo didn't mind the increase at all, I just tend to be harder on myself because I know just what is at stake.......Joseph's future health and LIFE!

We are creeping up on Joseph's 2nd Diaversary (anniversary of his diagnosis) and I can't help but feel sadness thinking of past Christmas and how differently we viewed the world. The other day we pulled up old video footage of Joseph and it broke my heart to know that he would never be that careFREE kid that he once used to be, now at the age of 5 he has more responsibility then most twice his age. Take your meter, grab your CGM, we need to check your finger, come here so I can tape your pump, let me weigh that banana before you eat it etc. etc. Don't get me wrong he is still a happy kid, things are just different.

The other night we were sitting at dinner and Joseph asked me if he could take off his medical alert bracelet. I of course told him "NO" and then explained that it was very important for him to wear it in case of an emergency so the paramedics and doctors would know that he needed special medical treatment. Then he said the words I have been dreading " Mom, I don't want to have Type 1 Diabetes anymore" my heart sank, a lump formed in my throat and I held back tears. I responded by explaining to him that we were working hard with JDRF to raise the money for a cure so that he didn't have Type 1 Diabetes anymore. He just looked at me and said " I just want diabetes to be over" I just looked at him and said " I know buddy, I know, me too!" Then I tried to hold myself together because had we not been in a public place, I would have excused myself and went into a room and cried.

I want diabetes to be over too, I want my son to be free. I don't want this life for him or our family. Why did this happen? Why couldn't it have been something that could be fixed, cured or taken out?  Why does he have to live the rest of his life with this burden? Why do I have to put all of our hope, prayers and faith into the bucket labeled "unknown"?

This is the time of year to be grateful and I am don't get me wrong. We are very blessed in our life but I am not grateful for Type 1 Diabetes...........I want it to be over!

-until next time